Ya Got Trouble

by Meredith Willson / performed by Robert Preston


Ya got trouble, my friend,
Right here--I say, trouble right here in River City.
Why, sure, I'm a billiards player,
Certainly mighty proud to say it--
Always mighty proud to say it.
I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden!
Help me cultivate horse sense, and a cool head, and a keen eye.

D'ja ever take and try to give an iron-clad leave to yourself from a 3-rail billiards shot?

But just as I say it takes judgement, brains
and maturity to score in a balkline game,
I say that any boo can take and shove a ball in a pocket.
And I call that sloth: the first big step on the road
To the depths of degrada-- I say,
first medicinal wine from a teaspoon,
Then beer from a bottle!

And the next thing you know, your son is playing for money in a pinch-back suit
And listening to some big out-of-town jasper,
Hearing him tell about horse-race gambling.
Not a wholesome trotting race, no! but a race
where they sit down right on the horse!

Like to see some stuck-up jockey-boy sitting on Dan Patch!?

Make your blood boil, well I should say.
Now, friends, let me tell you what I mean.
You got
1,__2,
3,__4,
5,__6 pockets in a table.
Pockets that mark the difference
Betwewn a Gentleman and a Bum
With a capital B and that rhymes with P and that stands for Pool!

And all week long, your River City youth'll be frittering away--
I say, your young men'll be frittering!
Frittering away their noon-time, supper-time, chore-time too.
Get the Ball in the Pocket! Never mind getting dandelions pulled,
Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded!
Never mind pumping any water 'till your parents are caught
With a cistern empty on a Saturday night! And that's trouble.

Yes, you've got lots and lots of trouble! I'm thinking
Of the kids in the knickerbockers, shirttailed young ones,
Peeking in the pool hall window after school!
You got trouble! Folks! Right here in River City!
Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Pool!

Now I know that all you folks are the right kind of parents;
I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on while they're loafin' around that hall?
They're there trying out Bevo, trying out cubebs, trying out tailor-mades like cigarette fiends!
And bragging all about how they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen!
One fine night, they leave the pool hall, heading for the dance at the armory.
Libertine men and scarlet women and Ragtime! Shameless music
That'll grab your son; your daughter,
With the arms of the jungle--animal instinct--mass hysteria!!

Friends, the idle mind is the devil's playground!

Trouble! (Oh, we got trouble!)
Right here in River City! (Right here in River City!)
With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Pool! (That stands for Pool!)
We've surely got trouble! (We've surely got trouble!)
Right here in River City! (Right here!)
Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school! (Our children's children gonna have trouble...
Mothers of River city, heed that warning before it's too late. Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption. The minute your son leaves the house, does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime novel hidden in the corn crib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from "Captain Billy's Whiz Bang"? Are certain words creeping into his conversation, words like...like swell? Aha! And so's your old man! And so, my friends...
...We've Got Trouble! (Oh, we got trouble!)
Right here in River City! (Right here in River City!)
With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Pool! (That stands for Pool!)
We've surely got trouble! (We've surely got trouble!)
Right here in River City! (Right here!)
Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock, and the Golden Rule! (Our children's children gonna have trouble...
Oh, we've got trouble. Yes, we're in terrible, terrible trouble.
That game with fifteen numbered balls is the devil's tool!
(Devil's tool!)
Oh, yes, we've got trouble! Trouble! Trouble! (Oh, yes, we've got trouble here; we've got big big trouble!)
With a T! (With a capital T!)
And that rhymes with P! (That rhymes with P!)
And that stands for Pool! (That stands for Pool!)

Remember, my friends, listen to me, because I pass this way but once!