The Real Slim Shady

by Eminem

The following lyrics have been censored because this isn't the kind of site that tosses around that sort of terminology. If you really want to know, E-mail me, find the lyrics elsewhere or just listen to the song!

May I have your attention, please!
May I have your attention, please!
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We’re gonna have a problem here...

Y'all act like you've never seen a white person before;
Jaws all on the floor, like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her

worse than before
They first get divorced, throwin' her over furniture.
It's the return of the--Oh, wait, no way, you're kidding...
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said...Nothing, you idiots!
Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!
Feminist women love Eminem.
Jigga-jigga-jigga, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him, look at him,
Walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what,
Flippin' the you-know-who... "Yeah, but he's so cute though..."
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose,
But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms.
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose,
But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to

a dead moose.
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips,
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss!"
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids,
And expect them not to know what a woman's

is.
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit 4th grade;
They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
We ain't nothin' but mammals;
Well, some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes,
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope,
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote.
Women wave your panty hose, sing the chorus, and it goes:

I'm Slim Shady,
Yes, I'm the real Shady;
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating,
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?

"Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records."
Well I do, so

him, and

you, too.
You think I give a

about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me!
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here,
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?

, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs,
So I could sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave

to first.
Little

put me on blast on MTV;
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3,
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem

!
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me,
So I have been sent here to destroy you.
And there's a million of us just like me, who cuss like me,
just don't give a

like me,
dress like me, walk, talk and act like me.
It just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!

I'm Slim Shady,
Yes, I'm the real Shady;
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating,
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?

I'm like a headtrip to listen to, 'cause I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room;
The only difference is I got the

to say it in front of y'all,
And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all.
I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it,
I just

it
Better than 90% of you rappers out can.
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums.
It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm goin', when I'm 30,
I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirty,
Pinchin' nurses'

es when I'm

in' off with Jergens, and I'm

in',
But this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'...
In every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin'.
He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings,
Or in the parking lot circling, screamin' "I don't give a

!"
With his windows down and his system up!
So will the real Slim Shady please stand up,
And put one of those fingers on each hand up,
Then be proud to be outta your mind and outta control,
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go!?

I'm Slim Shady,
Yes, I'm the real Shady;
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating,
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?

Ha-ha...
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us.
Let's all stand up.